Do you believe that ideas and concepts evolve as we grow older? I do. My conception about a lot of things have changed specially in my late 20s and death and grief suddenly have another meaning for me.
Thinking about what happened four weeks ago still feels unreal and coldly processing the reality still hurts. ‘Mi abuelita Rebe’ passed away last month in the most unexpected and quick manner.
The reason why this was so personally painful, is because of the guilt feeling I immediately felt upon me. We stopped visiting her when this pandemic started in an attempt to protect her and if you ask me, she died out of loneliness. At the end of the day we gathered for her (to say goodbye) a little too late. What an irony!
Right after guilt came sadness. The lost of all ‘should-have-had’ or ‘might-have-had’ moments is a heavy weight that comes as part of the grief process. As Megan Devine writes in It’s OK That You’re Not OK, ‘When someone you love dies, you don’t just lose them in the present or in the past’. We also lose them in the future.
The thought of no more hearing her contagious laugh, no more Sunday visits, no more chalupas or tacos Saturday dinners, no more Christmas at her house, no more birthdays in which we get to eat her mole; is heartbreaking.
All together, death and grief are excruciating, but an inevitable part of life and love; the basis of my evolved (adult) conception:
Death is essential. As humans we’re aware of our own mortality and yet we live as though our time in this earth is endless. Our human nature tends to forget easily and death (as hard as it is) is a reminder that our time is not eternal. A reminder that there’s only so much time to put off the important things. Death gives us perspective.
Grief is one of the most raw feelings and a natural response to loss. Grief is an extension to love, if we love we will inevitably know loss and grief. In order to heal, grief demands to be felt and while all grief is valid, not everyone experience it the same.
That’s my current conception. However, the conception itself is not relevant or impactful if it doesn’t drive to action. Life is fragile, everything can seem normal one moment, and completely change the next. Do not wait until faced with that reminder called death to take action on the people or things that are important for you.
Finally, it might be wise to accept that since grief is an extension of love, our heart will heal but it will probably grieve our whole life, because at the end of the day love is endless!
Unapologetic Thoughts 